At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
