Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
