Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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