Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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