I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
