You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
