I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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