sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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