sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
