Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
