She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
