Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
