She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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