I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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