Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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