You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
