So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
