He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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