i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
false alarm, still single
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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