Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
