im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
