Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
