wanna go halves on a baby?
I smell stomach acid.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
