I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
