I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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