how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
