Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
