Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
