I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my shit smells like andre
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
