Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My bed smells like the plague
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
