so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I deserve this hangover.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
