his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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