I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
