An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How's work?
Spinning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
