My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
