i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
