the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
