Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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