How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
