NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
