Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
