oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
