sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
