you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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