The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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