I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
