We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
