found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
