Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
