shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
